Broken
by Mysteriousreader1990
Summary: Bella is happily married to Edward, and enjoying their married life together. That is until she falls pregnant. Things don't go well and Edward has to make the most difficult choice of his existence. Can Bella forgive him for this choice, or will they forever be broken? Bella/Edward, maybe Bella/Jacob.
1. Prologue: The end of happy

Broken

**Bella is happily married to Edward, and enjoying their married life together. That is until she falls pregnant. Things don't go well and Edward has to make the most difficult choice of his existence. Can Bella forgive him for this choice, or will they forever be broken?**

**A.N. Well hello again. I got this idea from watching Braking Dawn Part 1. This is my first try at writing Bella and Edward as a couple, so I hope I can do well. They start off as a couple but you'll have to stay tuned to see if they remain one.**

**All rights and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing. Oh if only I did...**

**Prologue: The end of happy.**

_Bella POV_

I was blissfully happy. My wedding day, which was just two short weeks ago, was the happiest day of my life so far. I had married Edward, the man of my dreams. My vampire, my world, my soul, my reason for existence. We were currently on day fourteen of our honeymoon, and in two short days, we will be going back home, and I will be changed. I will become a vampire. Something my heart has desired for a long, long time. I always felt out of place in the real world. As a human I was clumsy and stuck out like a sore thumb. In the real world, I had never experienced such pain, such fear, and so much death as I had in the vampire world. Yet I never felt stronger. I was born to do this, born to be a vampire.

Even though our honeymoon hadn't gone as smoothly as others, I was still happier than I had ever been. When Edward and I made love on the first night of our honeymoon, things had gone slightly awry. Even though it the most stomach churning, earth shattering, best experience of my life, Edward had lost control, and bruised me heavily. He had been so angry with himself, that after apologising profusely, he refused to touch me again until I was changed. But, after many sexy outfits, thank you Alice for that one, and dreams about making love, he finally gave in last night, after I had pleaded. It was just as fantastic as the first time, but only he didn't hurt me as bad this time.

I woke up the next morning to a note from Edward saying that he had gone hunting and that he would be back as soon as he can. I made myself some food and sat waiting on him. Half way through my mini feast though, I had felt sick. Wondering if I had picked up a bug, I rushed to the bathroom and spent the next ten minutes being sick. Edward had come back during my vomiting session, and he gently rubbed soothing circles on my back as I emptied my stomach. After the sickness subsided he helped me clean up. That's when I realised that I had missed my period, and could possibly be pregnant. I was elated. Having a baby was one of the things that I had accepted that I would have to give up in order to be with Edward. I had never thought about it really, I wasn't too sure being a mum was my calling. But, now that I was pregnant, I was sure. I wanted this baby, more than I wanted to be a vampire.

I soon realised that this was no normal pregnancy, I felt it move, I was no expert but I was pretty sure this wasn't suppose to happen at this stage. Edward wasn't as elated as I was. In fact he was pretty furious that he had ever let this happen, he was certain that it was a demon, a vampire like him, and that I wouldn't be able to survive, and after a tense phone call, he packed our bags and booked a private jet. We needed to get back to Forks as soon as possible, so that Carlisle could get rid of the 'thing'.

My happy bubble burst at that moment. I realised that I was in this on my own, I wasn't going to let them kill my baby, despite it being what everyone would want. I was alone, and very scared. This led me to call Rosalie, my only possible ally. She and Emmett were touring Ireland, and after hearing my story, she promised that she would stand by me and protect me and my baby with all that she had. I was comforting to know that someone was with me, but it was nothing compared to having Edwards support. I needed that so much right now.

So here I was sitting two weeks later with a bump the size expected when someone was seven months gone, only I was only four weeks. It was pretty clear now, why everyone was wanting me to get rid. It was stronger than my human body was, and it was killing me. I had several fractured ribs, and bruised organs, as the baby moving caused it to hurt me. I had lost several stone, and went from a size ten to a size four in clothes, even the four was starting to get too big. I couldn't eat, as any food I had, I threw back up. My stomach couldn't tolerate food, and as a result I was getting incredibly week. I knew I was dying, but I was determined to let my baby live.

Edward and the rest were gone, bar Rosalie. They were out hunting, they needed to keep up their strength, in case I went into labour, which could be at any moment. When Rosalie went to hunt, that was everyone's opportunity to beg me to get rid of the baby, but I refused to listen. I wasn't going to do it for anyone.

"Rose?" I called weakly. I needed to talk to her whilst the others were out. I needed to do something, and I hoped she would listen and understand.

"Yes?" She called back frantically. She was beside me in seconds. "Is something wrong with the baby? Do I need to call Carlisle?" She was the only one bar me, who called it a baby, the others called it a foetus, and sometimes in their anger, a demon. I shook my head and made a motion to get up. She helped me as gently as she could.

"I need you to help me with something." I asked, I was kind of nervous.

"What is it?" She asked as she adjusted me blanket around my body. I was shivering, but was too weak to do anything for myself.

"I want to call Jacob." I said tentatively. Her head shot up and a furious expression crossed her face.

"What do you want to contact that dog for?" She spat and I flinched at her tone.

"Rose, please? I need to call him. He may be another person on our side."

"You really think Jacob would be on our side? Your carrying his arch enemy's baby." She replied incredulously.

"Jacob loves me, and despite how much I've hurt him, I know he'll do anything for me." I said imploringly.

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Would you judge me if I said yes?" I asked weakly. She shook her head answering with a no. "He can help me, with his supernatural heat he can warm me, and I may start feeling better."

"OK, you're starting to convince me." She said bemused, I smiled slightly.

"I need to say a final goodbye to him."

"You really think you need to do that?" She asked, and I knew she was worried. We had become close in our mutual love for my baby.

"I don't know how this is going to end, sometimes I think I can do it, other times I'm not so sure. Whether I die, or survive and become a vampire, this is my last chance. He's my best friend." I gently wiped the hot tears that were slipping down my face. I really missed Jacob, his warmth, his sunny nature and sweet, sweet smiles. I knew that giving up Jacob would be hard, but I didn't know it would be this hard. I still loved my sun.

"OK" She sighed exasperated.

"Thank you Rose, thank you so much." I said smiling my first real smile in weeks.

"Where is you're phone?" She asked smiling in return.

"In my room, on my night stand." She nodded once and disappeared, coming back in about five seconds flat.

"I'm going into the kitchen to give you some privacy. I know it's not totally private, but it's the best I could do. If I went outside, even for a split second, Edward would kill me." She said handing me my phone.

"Thank you again." I said taking the phone. She nodded once and gave a half smile before heading into the kitchen at lightening speed. I flipped open my mobile and went to my call list. I quickly scrolled to Jacobs name and then paused. Did I really want to do this? Didn't we say our last goodbye on the night of my wedding? I smiled briefly at how happy I felt back then, spinning around the woods that surrounded this house and just married to the love of my life. We had fought that night, after I had stupidly told him that I was going to have a normal honeymoon. He raged that Edward would hurt me, maybe even kill me, if he could see me now. Then there was Edward to consider, this would surely break his heart. Did I really want to do that? Sure, things were less than stellar between us at the moment, but that didn't mean I wanted to hurt him. I loved him irrevocably. As as shiver shot through me, my mind was made up. I took a deep breath and hit the call button.

"_Hello?" His voice sounded after only two rings. I wondered if he still had my number, and was daring to believe that I was really calling him._

"_Jacob." I replied shakily. I took two deep breaths and waited for him to answer._

"_Bella?" He breathed._

"_Hey." I said stupidly._

"_Are you OK? Why are you calling?" His tone was panicked now._

"_I need your help." I wept._

"_What happened? Did he hurt you?" He asked angrily. I heard Rosalie tut loudly from the kitchen._

"_No. I just need your help. It's difficult to explain. I can't do it over the phone."_

"_OK, Bells. I'm on my way, hang on." He said and the call ended._

Seconds after I hung up, the rest came in. I was checked over by Carlisle, and after reassuring him that I hadn't been sick, nor experienced pain in the last few hours, he was happy to leave me to rest.

"It's good that you've stopped being sick." Edward said. He stroked my hair until I shivered involuntarily.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Me too. I just wish you'd see sense." He replied sadly.

"I wish you would!" I shouted back. "Edward, this is our child, I'm not killing it. Why can't you see that I can do this?"

"Because Bella, I can see how it's killing you. I'm not willing to lose you."

"Well I'm not willing to lose it." I said stubbornly. He went to reply but stiffened. His nostrils twitched and his eyes darkened. I swallowed deeply, I knew who provoked that kind of reaction in him.

"What's he doing here?" Edward asked standing up. I grabbed his hand to stop him leaving. I could hear Carlisle asking him the same question.

"I called him." I whispered. Edward pulled his hand away from mine and stared at me heartbroken. I knew that I had betrayed him, but I was desperate.

"Let him in. Bella called him." Rosalie said. I heard Jacob thundering up the stairs into the upper level sitting room. Edward was still staring at me, the same expression on his face.

"Bella?" Jacob called as he entered the room. He stopped dead upon seeing me. His face went deathly white and his eyes went wide. "Bells, what happened?" He asked, truly terrified. Edward flinched at his tone and turned to him for the first time since he came into the room.

"Rose, will you help me stand?" I asked. She nodded and gently lifted me up. The blanked that was around me fell to the ground revealing my skinny frame and protruding bump.

"Holy fuck." He whispered, what little colour he had in his face completely went as he took in my appearance. He staggered back and turned his gaze to Edward. "You bastard!" He yelled, and before I could comprehend what was happening, and before Edward could even react, he lunged at him.

**A.N. So as you can tell this follows the movie scenes a bit. No copy right infringement was intended. The next chapter may also have some bits that you recognise, but most of it and the following chapters will be my own.**


	2. Chapter 1: A choice to make

**Chapter one: A choice to make**

**A.N. So another chapter for you guys. Please review, it helps me continue to write. Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight co...if only I did.**

_Bella POV_

"Jacob, don't!" Rosalie yelled. She managed to catch Jacob before he hit Edward and pulled him away. After recovering from the shock. Edward crouched down and prepared to attack. The commotion caused the rest of them to come and investigate.

"Edward don't." I whispered weakly. I couldn't even get up, I could only sit and watch.

"I knew you'd destroy her." Jacob roared, he was still struggling against Rosalie's hold and she was having trouble hanging on to him.

"I didn't want this. I don't want it." Edward snarled back. He was out of his stance and standing in front of me, with Carlisle holding onto him.

"Jacob will you calm down. Bella wanted you here, but if you can't calm down, you'll be escorted off the premises. She doesn't need you two fighting." She said the last part to Edward. Jacob calmed enough for Rosalie to release him. Carlisle moved Edward over to the side allowing Jacob to see me fully. He still looked like he was about to faint. I shrunk back as his eyes roamed over my skinny, pale and sickly frame. Yet he refused to look at my bump.

"You look so ill." He replied. His voice was braking, and tears were sitting at the rim of his eyes, threatening to spill over.

"We'll give you some privacy." Rosalie said leading them all out. I said nothing, instead I sat there waiting on the front door to click shut.

"So you're pregnant." Jacob said painfully.

"Yeah, it happened two weeks ago. But the baby is strong, and my body is suffering because of it." I replied.

"Is it killing you?"

"Everyone but Rosalie thinks that it is, they want me to get rid of it."

"But you won't, because that's not you, and you're strong enough to do this." He said. There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice and it made me angry.

"I can do it." I snapped. "I've gotten this far." I said defiantly.

"Why did you call me?" He asked. I swallowed nervously.

"I missed you." I said truthfully and he snorted. "Why did you come?" I challenged.

"You know the answer to that." He replied softly and I looked away in shame.

"I feel so weak and alone, I needed my sunshine." I whispered and he smiled sadly.

"I won't stick around to watch you die." His voice was broken and the tears were falling freely now.

"I'm not going to die." I replied. I was crying now myself. "The only other person I've got is Rosalie."

"So you call me because I'm pathetically whipped and will always be on your side, and will always do what you say." He snapped. I flinched at his harsh tone. This broke me, I was crying heavily now.

"Why are you being so nasty?" I sobbed, my body was shaking and my breathing was uneven.

"I guess I'm just tired of being hurt." He said sadly.

"I didn't bring you here to hurt you."

"Don't you think that seeing you like this is hurting me." He raged. I looked at him sadly.

"Look, I'll understand if you want to walk out that door and never speak to me again. But, I am so alone in this. Not even Edward will stand by me, and that is hurting me so much. You're my best friend, I just needed someone else that will stand by me."

He smiled at me and gently sat beside me, he lifted me up and placed me so that my back was against the armrest of the sofa. He wrapped the blanket tightly around me and place my feet gently under his leg. His heat rushed through me at a quick pace and I felt myself relax. I was warm for the first time in weeks. "I'll always stand by you." He said softly and gently placed a kiss on my forehead, warming me up even more.

"You will?" I asked smiling and he smiled too. "Why?" I asked.

"Because I'm pathetically whipped." He laughed and I couldn't help but laugh with him. "I really hope you're going to survive this." He said suddenly sombre.

"I will" I said "I really believe I can do this."

"Then why isn't Edward standing by you." He asked. I sighed and turned my head away from him.

"Because he and the rest think that it's a demon that is going to kill me." I replied, I was crying again. "Rosalie is the only one who is on my side. She had helped me through this whole thing."

"Why her? I would've thought Alice would be the one who stuck by you."

"She values a human life. It's all down to what happened to her before she was changed." I replied, he nodded and we went quiet. I took the time to look at him properly. His eyes held dark circles under them, he looked slightly thinner and worn out. For the first time I noticed a very faint scar on his face. "What happened to your face?" I asked tracing the direction of the scar.

"I had a fight with Lahote." He said smiling wearily.

"Why?" I asked

"Well it started with my sister Rachel coming home for a visit. We'd been hanging out for a few days and went to a barbecue on first beach and Lahote imprinted on her, so I beat the shit out of him." He explained, my mouth hung open in shock.

"Jacob, you could've been seriously hurt. It looks like you were." I said, I was really worried.

"I had to make sure his intentions were going to be honourable. His anger is legendary, and so is his womanising ways." He replied sincerely.

"You've lost the plot." I said shaking my head. He laughed in reply.

"How did she take to you being a wolf?" I asked.

"She's pissed. Hasn't talked to me properly in a few days." He replied.

"Is that why you haven't been sleeping?" He looked at me and smiled. We both could read each other like a book. Somethings would never change.

"Partially. The main reason was I've been worried sick about you." He replied. I smiled sadly at him. "Looks like I was right to worry. Charlie is the same."

"I just keep hurting the people I love." I said sadly.

"You still love me?" He asked surprised. I didn't get time to answer though. The baby turned, and as it did, it kicked out shattering my ribs. I screamed in pain and Jacob shot up in panic. My breathing became laboured. And soon was only coming out in short sharp bursts. I just caught a glimpse of Edwards worried face before I blacked out.

XXX

_Jacob POV_

I looked on in shock in panic as Esme gently moved me out of the way. Bella had stopped breathing though her heart was still beating.

"I need a scalpel, iodine, a pair of gloves, cotton swabs, tape, bandages and a sterile needle quickly." Carlisle said. He and Edward gently lifted Bella from the sofa. Alice immediately went to retrieve the items. She was back within ten seconds. Although it felt like ten minutes. Carlisle lifted Bella's shirt over he head and chucked it to one side. He opened the iodine and started applying it to the left side of Bella's chest with the cotton swabs.

"What's happening?" I asked panicked. No one had said anything and it was irritating me.

"The foetus has broken a few of Bella's ribs and one of them has punctured her lung, it's filling up with fluid and I need to release it before it drowns her." He said all this whilst he worked. I stared wide eyed as he pierced her skin with the scalpel, blood dripped out slowly and he wiped it away with a swab quickly, he didn't even flinch. Jasper had been taken out of the room by Alice, he was not as strong as the others were around blood. He quickly pulled apart the syringe and stuck the plastic bit into Bella's side. A hiss of air escaped quickly and Bella's chest heaved as she began breathing again. He quickly bandaged the syringe tube to Bella's side and taped it securely to her chest. Fluid slowly leaked out of the syringe as Bella continued to breathe. She was still unconscious.

Together Edward and Carlisle lifted her gently into another room. This room was full of monitors, a bed and all sorts of medical equipment. I looked around and briefly wondered where and how he'd gotten this stuff.

"He collected all this from closed down hospitals. It was all going to waste." Edward said after reading my thoughts.

"I'm going to need to scan her chest and open her side up wider to insert a proper chest drain." Carlisle said getting the equipment ready.

"Her heart beat is dipping." Edward said panicking. We went silent and sure enough her heart beat had slowed. Carlisle quickly placed a breathing mask on Bella's face and attached a heart monitor to her. He heart rate picked up, but not by much. Suddenly Bella's body lurched and a sickening crunch resounded through the air, as the baby broke more of her bones. Carlisle quickly scanned her chest.

"Only broken bones, no punctured lungs this time."

"It's killing her." Edward whispered brokenly. Her body lurched again and Carlisle followed the movements with the monitor.

"It's ruptured her spleen. I'm going to need to operate." Carlisle said, as he prepared to operate. "I may be able to do it since she's unconscious, but the pain make wake her up."

"I don't want her to suffer any more." Edward said.

"Anaesthetic would harm the baby, she could miscarry." Rosalie said. I jumped slightly when she spoke, I hadn't even realised she was in the room with us.

"Edward you need to make the decision. She's your wife." Carlisle said. He looked troubled. Like he knew what Edwards decision was going to be.

"I'm not going to put her through more pain." Edward said defiantly. Rosalie made a noise akin to a sob.

"OK. I'm going to need to open her up carefully. The baby seems to be getting stronger. I may need to deliver it if it causes any more damage." Carlisle said.

"Do it. I won't lose her." Edward said defiantly.

Rosalie made a sobbing sound again and rushed out of the room. Edward looked at me pointedly. But I stared him down.

"We need some privacy." He said straining to be polite.

"I'm not leaving." I said. He gave up when I stood firm. I watched as Carlisle administered the anaesthetic. He waited a few minutes before beginning the surgery. I watched on in despair as he set to work. I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. One of them wasn't going to survive, and I was almost certain that Bella was.

**A.N. Well what do you think? Did Edward make the right choice? Review and let me know**


	3. Chapter 2: Heartbreak

**Chapter 2: Heartbreak**

**A.N. Hey guys, here's another chapter for you :). Thank you too my reviewers so far. It really helps me to continue on with the story, so if you are enjoying this story give it a we review. Please. **

_**Warning there are dark elements in this story.**_

_Jacob POV_

It didn't take long for my prediction to come true. Carlisle had barely opened up Bella's side when disaster struck. They baby moved again, and kicked out it's leg doing so. They baby's movements caused a ripple effect throughout her body. Her spleen was jolted again and the tear widened. Blood squirted from Bella's side and Carlisle had to quickly stem the bleeding. I stared in shock as I witnessed first hand the strength of Bella's baby. I t was like something out of a horror movie. However the loss of blood cause Bella's heart rate to dip again.

"It's killing her." Edward snarled. I had never seen him so unhinged before. He really didn't seem himself. As Carlisle stemmed the bleeding, her heart beat steadied again, but it was still lower than it should be. "I want it out of her." Edward snapped as the baby kicked again. Carlisle was in the middle of stitching up Bella's spleen, and the movements almost caused him to tear her spleen again.

"What?" Carlisle and I said incredulously. Carlisle had actually stopped what he was doing, to look at his 'son'.

"Her heart rate has already dipped twice, and she's going to end up loosing her spleen."

"You can not be serious?" I asked giving him a hard look as Carlisle continued to work. Another kick gave way for another tear, and her heart rate to dip again. This seemed to unhinge him further.

"I will not lose my wife." He snarled. "Take it out now." He said to Carlisle. Carlisle gave a sad look to his son and nodded. Yet another kick caused Bella's newly stitched spleen to rupture again. The blood came out in masses and quickly pooled on the floor. Her heart rate dipped even further and this time Carlisle struggled to stem the bleeding. Carlisle miraculously wasn't effected by all the blood, but it seemed to unhinge Edward further again.

"Remove it now, she's going to die." He all but screamed. Carlisle ignored him.

"I need to remove her spleen now. It's too damaged." He said and set to work. Edward looked at Carlisle desperately and then back at Bella, she was becoming paler by the second, and looked like she was already dead. He seemed to have made his mind up in that second, and made a move towards Bella.

"No!" I shouted. I lunged at him hoping to pull him away, but with one quick motion he swiped at me sending me flying across the room and into the locked double doors. I was winded and the commotion had caused the others to rush into the room. As I regained my scenes, I heard Rosalie scream no, but it was too late. Edward had already bitten into Bella.

XXX

_Edward POV_

I ignored the blood seeping into my mouth as I tore into Bella's body. I had to get this baby out of her. As I tore through her body, I felt Emmett, and Rosalie pull me away.

"Have you lost your mind? Your venom will kill her and the baby." Rosalie said. She released me and Esme took her place.

"Rosalie, you have to get the venom out of her." Jacob said desperately. I snarled at him and tried to get at him. But, Emmett and Esme had too strong of a hold on me. I watched as Rosalie found a well hidden spot to remove the venom from, she took a deep breath and sunk her teeth into my Bella's skin. This made me more edgy and I struggled harder. She sucked quickly until the blood ran clean then pulled away. She spat out the clean blood that had collected in her mouth and fired me a dirty look.

At this point Carlisle had removed Bella's spleen and was now working on her stomach. I stopped struggling as I saw the damage that I had done to Bella. Her skin and muscle were shredded heavily, and I had actually punctured the sac surrounding the baby, and the waters that surrounded the baby were slowly trickling out. Sickness welled in my stomach as Carlisle gently worked around the shredded mass and opened up the rest of the sac. We all watched nervously as Carlisle pulled out the baby. If my heart was still beating at that moment, it would've stopped. There was no sound, no movement, no heartbeat. My baby was dead.

It hit me like a freight train at that moment and I collapsed to the ground. I was wailing. Not only had I permanently scarred Bella for life, I had also killed our baby. Seeing it's tiny limp body finally made me realise that I was a father, but I had killed my baby. The grief was immense.

"It's a girl." Carlisle whispered, and I wailed louder. He wrapped the baby up in a blue cloth and handed it to Rosalie. He looked at me sadly and went back to tending to Bella. Rosalie was making sobbing sounds and staring at my baby girl. Esme took pity on her and took the baby out of her arms. She walked past me and I stopped her. I wanted to look at my daughter. She was perfect, but small, too small. She looked like Bella. My grief worsened and the wailing resumed.

"I'll take a few photos, to show Bella. Alice and I will dress her, and bury her in the garden." She said softly and walked out of the room. Emmett walked over to Rosalie and gently guided her out of the room. I composed myself and stood up again. The only ones left in the room were Carlisle, Jacob and myself. Carlisle had finished stitching Bella back up and was now in the process of cleaning up. Jacob was sitting by Bella's head and was tenderly stroking her hair. This riled me up again and I went to confront him. But Carlisle grabbed my arm and gently led me out of the room.

"Let him spend time with her. This has been traumatic for all of us, and this may be the last time he gets to see her." He whispered. I sighed and nodded. I knew he was right. Despite the fact that despised him, I knew he loved Bella, and she would be fine with him. "Go and get cleaned up, and we'll bury the baby." He said gently. I nodded and complied. I was too numb to put up a fight.

XXX

_Bella POV_

I was in immense pain. It was unbearable, I wanted to scream, but my voice wouldn't comply. I knew I had blacked out after my baby had broken a rib. I had been in a dream land for goodness knows how long now, but now I was slowly coming out of it. It had been perfect. I had spent my time frolicking in a perfect field of colourful flowers and bright green grass. The sky was an azure blue and the sun was bright. I was with my beloved, Edward and our perfect daughter. She was the picture of me, with long luscious brown hair and sparkling brown eyes. She was a half breed, half vampire, half human. She had the strength, speed and abilities of a vampire. But ate human food, slept and had the warmth and heartbeat of a human. All be it a little slower than a human heartbeat. She was perfect. I had now everything that I had ever wanted. A loving husband, whom I adored, a beautiful daughter, and I was a vampire. Life was perfect.

But, when the pain started, the perfectness faded. The grass was longer green, and the flowers were no longer bright. The sky was no longer blue, and the sun no longer shone. My daughter was fading too, she was disappearing before my eyes and I was scared. For the first time in a while I was able to hear sounds. At first it was just angry mutters, but the voices slowly got stronger and I realised that it was Jacob and Edward arguing. I tried to tell them to stop, but all I could manage was a murmur. I was immediately assaulted with a barrage of questions, none of with I could answer. I could only murmur some more.

I heard a door opening and the questions stopped. I heard Carlisle voice, he asked me how I was feeling. I tried to tell him I was sore, but I couldn't. He seemed to guess what I needed though, and he increased the strength of my morphine. I breathed a sigh of relief as my pain subsided. My scenes were coming back to me and I could see the bright lights in the room from behind my closed eye lids. Suddenly two weird sensations washed over me, and it took me a moment to realise that Jacob was holding my right hand, and Edward my left. Both temperatures seeped through my bones, lighting me on fire and freezing me simultaneously. Both sides were waging an internal war, and for the first time, I preferred the heat, and it unnerved me. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them again. The light was too strong and it gave me a headache.

"I'll dim the lights for you." Carlisle said and I moaned in response. A few seconds later and the bright light got dimmer. I opened my eyes slowly this time and blinked a few times to get them to adjust. I heard Jacob and Edward sigh simultaneously and I turned my head to the left. I gave Edward a small smile, but he barely returned it. His eyes looked haunted. Fear rose in my throat and I swallowed heavily and turned my attention to Carlisle, that was when I noticed it. My bump, my baby, it was gone.

"Where's my baby?" I croaked. Carlisle looked at me sadly and grabbed a glass of water, he gently lifted my head and held Jacob held the straw to my lips. I drank it greedily, the cool liquid soothed my ragged throat. But the motion hurt the very pit of my stomach. "Thank you." I whispered to them and then turned back to Edward. His eyes looked moist with tears that he was unable to shed, and my heartbeat quickened.

"Bella, the baby broke your ribs, and one of them punctured your lungs. I quickly repaired the damage, but another broken rib punctured your spleen, after trying my best to repair your spleen. I had to remove it because the baby's movements caused it to rupture completely." Carlisle explained. I was still looking at Edward. He hadn't said a word and looked increasingly distraught.

"Can I live without my spleen?" I asked weakly.

"Yes, however, your immune system will be incredibly weak and you'll need tablets to help boost it." He explained. I nodded slightly and turned back to Edward.

"Where's my baby?" I asked more strongly. This caused Edward to come out of his stupor.

"When the baby ruptured your spleen, your heart beat dipped and I was scared I was going to lose you. I...I made the decision to take it out." He whispered. I stared at him shocked. No, now way, he didn't. I began to sob and my breath came out in short sharp panics.

"No. You didn't, you wouldn't." I stammered.

"I'm so sorry. I was afraid I was going to lose you. I had to do it." He said desperately.

"Where's my baby?" I asked once again.

"She didn't make it." He whispered. My heart shattered, I felt like I couldn't breathe. A loud scream came from deep within my core and I started hyperventilating. The others rushed into the room at the noise and Rosalie was by my side in seconds. She shoved Edward out of the way and took his place. Both she and Jacob tried to rub soothing circles on my hands, but it didn't help nothing would. "I am so sorry Bella." He whimpered.

"You selfish Bastard!" I screamed. I sat up in an attempt to hit him, but the motion caused immense pain to rip through my stomach. I screamed in agony as my stomach felt like it ripped in two. Esme and Alice escorted Edward out of the room, and Jacob gently laid me back down and held on to me as Carlisle pumped more morphine into me and put a breathing mask over my mouth to steady my breathing. I was still wailing, my heart was shattering into a million pieces. I couldn't believe he hurt me like that. My sobs subsided and my breathing eased as the morphine kicked in. My eyelids dropped and the darkness enveloped me again. This time instead of my perfect haven, it was my worst nightmare.

**A.N. Well this was darker than I intended for it to be, but that's where the story took me. This was difficult for me to write and I would greatly appreciate reviews to let me know what your thoughts on it are.**


	4. Chapter 3: An eternity of loneliness?

**Chapter 3: An eternity of loneliness?..**

**As Bella begins to recover from her traumatic experience she wonders if she can ever begin to forgive Edward.**

The days that passed were the worst that I had ever experienced in my life. Most likely, this would be the case for many years to come. The pain that I endured had been like no other. Losing Edward, and then Jacob, was nothing compared to loosing my child. My whole being ached for her. I longed to hold her, inhale her scent, and watch her grow before my eyes. Those things I would never get to experience, and I was in great despair. I hadn't seen much of Edward since I had woke, and I missed him. Despite what had happened, I still loved him with all I had...I hated that.

I had been completely bed ridden for two days in order to let my body begin healing properly. In that time Jacob and Rosalie had explained what exactly had happened whilst I was unconscious. To my surprise Jacob explained that he thought Edward only did what he had done because seeing me so ill had unhinged him. He had truly thought that I was dying and that taking out the baby was the only way for me to survive. Carlisle had added that now he had time to think about it, he realised that he acted irrationally, a burden that he would have to live with for the rest of his existence. Part of my felt heartbroken for him, and the other part, was glad that he had to live with this for eternity. Another surprise was learning that Rosalie had sucked out the venom that had entered my body when Edward tore into my stomach. At first I was angry that yet another decision had been ripped from my hands, but then I realised how hard that must've been for her to do that. She had been right to suck the venom out. Right now, I was glad that I wasn't facing the prospect of living with this pain forever.

A week later and I was sitting by my daughters makeshift grave, trying to enjoy the rare bit of sunshine. I had been shown pictures of her the day after I woke. She was beautiful, but so tiny. Alice had dressed her in a beautiful hand made, pink and white gown, with a gorgeous pink headband to match. Emmett, who was good a woodwork, had carved her a lovely coffin out of pine wood, and Rosalie had painted it white and dotted it with pink roses, all hand painted. I had howled in pain at seeing these photo's for the first time, but now, I held them close to me. They were the only thing, beside the pain, that proved that she had been real. Once I was able to get out of bed, with the help of Rosalie and Jacob, Emmett carved a headstone and painted it white. I sat by her grave as he had gently placed it in the ground. Her name stood out proudly, in a bubblegum pink, with roses decorating it. Reneesme Rose Swan Cullen. That's what I had decided on a few days before she was born, but wanted to keep it as a surprise. Rosalie had been touched when she'd seen that I had given my daughter her name, but had been overcome with sadness, and as a result, she and Emmett had fled the country for a while.

I was alone, in truth it had been since I became pregnant, but now more then ever. Jacob was the only constant in my life, he was the only one who would spend the day with me, just sitting in silence. I rarely talked, I had reverted back to the days when Edward had left me, living but now really living. I knew it would take me longer to recover.

"Are you warm?" Jacob said as crept up beside me. I didn't even react to his surprise appearance, he done it regularly. I nodded in response and he sat beside me.

"Why are you still here?" I asked. My voice was croaky from disuse. Jacob had looked at me in surprise when I had talked. But, he looked thoughtful as he responded.

"Because I am so pathetically whipped." He replied with a slight laugh. I smiled ever so slightly as I recalled the words he said to me on that fateful day. "You need me." He said seriously after a few minutes.

"But I haven't exactly been the best friend to you." He looked at me surprised again and thought carefully before answering.

"You are in love, you've been happy. And, you've been my best friend ever, Bella. I know you've been torn in two choosing between us. But, you were my best friend before, I fell in love with you, and I'm not willing to lose that."

"I don't deserve you." I wept.

"Don't say that Bella, put aside the fact that I love you, OK? Just concentrate on us being best friends. Everyone deserves one of them." He replied softly. I nodded and dried my eyes. I took one last look at my daughter's grave side and made a decision.

"I need to get out of here." I said determinedly.

"Huh?" Jacob replied unintelligently and I could help but laugh.

"I need to leave. If I am going to recover...if I'm ever going to try to even recover, I need to leave. I need to go back to my dads, to a place where there's no constant reminders, no grave to obsess over."

"Are you sure?" He asked sceptically. I nodded in response and tears sprung out of my eyes again. "Can you leave him?" He asked, he almost sounded pained. He knew I found it hard to live without Edward.

"I don't know. But, I need space. I still love him irrevocably, and that annoys me. But, I need to leave in order to figure out whether I can ever begin to forgive him, whether I can trust him again."

"OK, I'll take you back. I'll put my bike in the back of the Chevy and drive us back there." He said I nodded in response and let him help me up. I was still in a terrible amount of pain, my whole abdomen ached, and I couldn't walk unaided. The wounds were healing up nicely, according to Carlisle, but the scars would be a permanent ugly reminder. I tenderly walked into the house and felt myself begin to shake. Jacob held me tighter to him and I began to feel overwhelmed. "I'm here for you." He whispered and I nodded in response.

"Bella, are you OK?" Carlisle asked as I hobbled into the living room. I froze, I couldn't respond, the words had stuck in my throat and I clammed up again.

"I'm taking her back to Charlie's." Jacob said sternly when he realised that I had lost my nerve.

"What? You can't do that." Alice said incredulously. "This is her home."

"Alice is right, Jacob. I realise that Bella is hurting, but this is her home, she belongs here." Esme said. Jacob scoffed in response.

"This isn't her home, this is her own personal hell. Yeah, she loved it here and all of you, but since she lost her daughter all she has is nightmares and constant reminders. If she's ever going to begin to recover she needs to get out of here." He said repeating my exact words to him. Edward entered the room at that moment, I couldn't see him, but I could feel him, and I subconsciously moved closer to Jacob. He could tell as well. His whole body had stiffened and his temperature rose slightly, something that always happened. Edward moved in front of us and stood with the others, but I kept my eyes downcast. I couldn't even look at him.

"You're not taking my wife anywhere." He said calmly, and I flinched at the use of this term.

"I am, and you can't stop me." Jacob growled. Edward laughed patronisingly.

"I think you find that I can." Edward said stepping forward, but Carlisle grabbed his arm and moved him back.

"She needs to get out of this place. I'm taking her back to her dads and I'm going to help take care of her, like last time." Jacob replied and this time I heard Edward hiss. I looked at him briefly before down-casting my eyes again. He didn't miss my glance however.

"How do you know what she needs." He sneered, this time I held his gaze, anger apparent in my stare.

"She told me, we can talk, we're best friends." He said confidently, we looked at each other briefly before I turned my gaze back to the rest.

"Is this true?" Edward asked brokenly. I managed to hold his tense stare for a moment before looking away and nodding. "Fine, then Alice takes her back and we will visit daily to look after her."

"No!" Jacob yelled and I jumped at the loud noise. "Don't you get it. You are the one who took the decision to have her baby out of her hands. You are the one who acted irrationally. She needs to get away from you!" Jacob yelled angrily. Edward looked at me, waiting for me to deny what Jacob had said, but when I couldn't, he let out a sob of despair and walked back out of the room.

"I still need to come over every day Bella. To tend to your wounds and monitor your health." Carlisle said. I shook my head no, and began to tremble, didn't they get that I needed space.

"Sue can do that." Jacob said. "She'll monitor her, and I promise you that if she gets any worse, I will call you myself."

"Are you sure this is what you want Bella?" Alice asked me, and her pleading tone forced me to answer.

"Yes." I croaked. "I just need to get away, to heal. If things are ever going to be like they used to be, I need space." She nodded once and fled the room, Jasper trailing behind her.

"OK, lets get you packed." Jacob said, he lifted me gently and held me bridal style as he carried me up stairs and into mine and Edwards room. I couldn't yet walk up and down the stairs, so this was necessary. He set me down gently and helped me waddle into the huge walk in wardrobe that adjoined our room.

"I need some new clothes." I grumbled as Jacob neatly packed them into a suitcase. We had split the task into two uneven halves. I was picking out the things I wanted to take, jeans, tee's, sweats and hoodies, and Jacob was folding them and packing. In the time it took me to move from one item to another, he had them packed. In the case of my delicates, he held the suitcase beside me as I packed whilst his head was turned.

"Yeah, I never knew you to wear even half of this stuff." He replied as he packed my converse.

"Alice can be a little over zealous when it comes to fashion." I replied as I emptied my sock drawer. "I made her buy me the converse though." I added and he laughed.

Ten minutes later and we had my toiletries packed, and the cases in the car. I was waiting in the room on Jacob coming back to get me when Carlisle walked in. "I just wanted to give you these." He said handing me a bag. I looked in it quickly, it contained anti-septic cream, wipes, gloves and bandages.

"Um, thanks" I said shyly folding the bag back up.

"That should do you for a month. The bandages need to be changed twice a day for the next week, and then once a day for two weeks after. There is also extra in there for showering. You must wear them in the shower for up to a month, and change them after showers. I've also given you a months prescription for a very strong painkiller, take them every six hours until you can cope without them, then only take them when necessary. I will renew the prescription if you need it." He said in a business like tone."

"Thanks" I said again and he nodded in response.

"I um, listen" Carlisle began and I was stunned to see him nervous. "You're welcome back here any time. This your home and we are your family." He said and I nodded in reply. I wiped the tears away as he continued. "I know you're independent, and don't like receiving charity, But please, keep using the card you've got for our account. I don't want you dipping into your college fund, you may need that. Plus your medication will be expensive. You don't need to use it forever just until you find your feet." He pleaded. I nodded in agreement and hobbled over to hug him. He returned it gratefully and I realised then that all of them wanted me to stay here. And they all would be upset at me leaving.

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

"I just wished I could've prevented all this."

"It's not your fault, none of you realised how it would affect Edward." I replied truthfully. I knew he wasn't entirely at fault either. I just wished that he was in better control of his emotions.

"You ready to go?" Jacob said when he arrived back in the room. I nodded and gave one last hug to Carlisle and one to Esme, who had came into the room along with Jacob.

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked stopping at the door way.

"Of course." Esme said gently.

"Get yourselves away from here for a while. Take a long holiday, all of you, especially Edward. We all need to heal and no one will staying around here."

"That's a good idea." Carlisle said smiling kindly.

"Please keep in touch?" I asked.

"We promise." The said. I nodded once and left. Jacob carried me down the stairs and out to the car. I strapped myself in and looked back at the house. The tears fell thick and fast when Carlisle, Esme and Edward came out to see me off.

"Are you sure about this?" Jacob asked staring at me. I nodded and wiped my eyes. He put the car into gear and revered out of the drive and down the lane. I whispered a goodbye to my old life and prepared a plan to tell my dad.

**A.N. Hey guys, another chapter for you. Please review if you like it.**


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